Bill of Rights
The strategy of any manipulator is to make it seem like it’s all your fault. It does not matter what it is, any encounter can end in blame. In light of this, you can get to a place where you may always have your back up when in this person’s company and become the perfect lightening rod for manipulation. Or even worse become insecure around everyone and anyone and lose your own sense of self.
However, it does not have to be this way!
First of all, try to create a Bill of Rights for yourself. For example, I have a right to my own opinion, or, I have a right to express my own opinion….List at least 10 personal Rights. Then read these over daily to remind yourself of your own integrity and determination.
Then when dealing with such a person always start with yourself. If you find yourself becoming defensive… STOP….
Check in with your own thoughts, feelings, and motivations. Are you trying to prove an endless point? Are you holding a grudge from the last thing that person said to you? Are you just feeling frustrated because the person will not listen? (Believe me that feeling can really well up inside of you until you want to explode.) Or maybe you just do not trust the person.
Once you’ve examined your own motivations and you feel you still have something to say, then do so calmly and with CONFIDENCE! Speak your thoughts without elaboration. Get to the point with honesty and respect for yourself and, yes, for the other person as well. Your goal when voicing your opinion to or in the company of a manipulator is to do just that, voice your opinion without getting caught up in things that don’t matter, or inapplicable emotion and personal attacks.
ALWAYS remember, when telling someone, anyone, how you are feeling, it is about you and not the other person. You cannot change another person’s actions, thoughts or beliefs. If you interact with a manipulator with the intent to change him, or to get him to see the error of his ways, you will repeat the cycle of futility that you DO need or wish to change.
Just leave changing a person up to God. He’s better at it than you.
